"They only cut for attention"

Since I was young, I have heard people say over the years that people who cut do it for attention. In their minds, if we really wanted to die we'd cut deeper to ensure completion. I can only speak from my personal experience and of those who've expressed themselves to me on this matter. Putting both those together I've come to find that a good majority of us actually do not intend to end our life when cutting. If I wanted to die my methods would be different, such as a hanging, shooting, jumping to my death. Something that would ensure I'd leave this world. Nevertheless, we all have our reasons we've hung onto and my personal ones are not of death. Honestly the very opposite. Sometimes I feel so numb because I've conditioned myself this way since the age of 5. So a portion of the reason I cut is to feel the pain, really feel the physical pain of what I'm going through. The amount, length and depth of the cuts all depend on how anxious I am in that moment. I've had moments where I've only cut once and I've had moments (most recently) when I've cut multiple times in multiple places. My intent is not to die. Often times the cuts give me some tangible pain to tend to. I know how to lick my wounds physically but I struggle greatly with dealing with emotional/mental pain. So what do I do? When I feel anxious and backed into a corner I cut. This is one coping mechanism that I seem to relapse on consistently, whether it be weeks, months or years in between. Everything is different now. I have a daughter and the last thing I want her to see is my scarred up body, or worse, catch me cutting myself. It's also very exhausting to hide cutting from everyone you know. So as of lately if I do relapse I speak up so that I can get the help I need. When I was younger I'd cut constantly and wouldn't say anything. I would hide it and sit in my misery alone. I can't do that anymore because my baby girl needs me. This isn't to say that I won't ever relapse again, but today is a new day. I'm going to take it one step at a time and breathe.

-A Recovering Cutter