Domestic Violence Awareness Month

On July 15, 2024 I was beaten by my child's father for the last time. I often think about that day and how it moves through my mind in slow motion. I reflect on the growing I've done since that day but all that really continuously sits with me is the fact that I feel just as strongly today as I did the day I was beaten. I have not been able to let go of the betrayal, anger, hurt and more I feel towards my abuser.

Saving myself from that situation showed me that there is no help when doing so and that is why it was always so easy to fall back into it. The cops didn't take me serious and basically told me they wouldn't waste resources on the matter. I then looked to community resources but unfortunately every shelter or number I called that I received was a dead end. I also couldn't get a restraining order because I would have been forced to let my abuser have my child without my supervision. I attempted to vent my frustrations as well to the community after my abuser put our current situation on social media. That only ended with me being paranoid. The same women and men who offered support in my DMs, face or texts were the same people still supporting my abuser in some shape or form. I quickly learned from my situation that the ONLY people that'd care and benefit from my story are my fellow survivors (even some of them can be unsafe).

So I will be writing about my experience and talking through DV starting this month and depending on how helpful this is maybe it can continue. Although the community, the laws and my abuser killed my faith in humanity to do the right thing I'm still going to continue to speak up. The masses, government and the media do not care about our pain or us dying at the hands of our abusers. Society will treat your situation like the next episode on Baddies, and not the real human being you are. So if you choose to speak up scream that shit from the pits of your soul and don't let people silence you. While the masses may not care there are those who are going through or went through something similar. We have to create a safe space for ourselves. We have to cater to our healing.

I had a friend whose been through this ask me "When will people realize the trauma I've been through? When will people realize that I'm still not ok?". It hurt my heart to be so blunt with her but I had to be honest and tell her they won't. They don't care and that's why she's left feeling like this, but I care. I am here for any woman whose been a victim of domestic violence who needs to talk through it, who needs advice, or just someone to simply listen. Going through this makes you feel isolated and alone and while we may feel that way most days I promise you it's a woman using your story as motivation to fight for herself. It's not easy advocating for myself. People to this day call me a liar and bitter for keeping my child away from my abuser, but I know my truth and the trauma we endured. So as we dive into this month I will warn you it may be triggering but this is to help those women who feel alone. No matter how dark it may seem now, one day it might just be a little bit brighter.